Ready, Set, Meltdown! September 2007
by Sue Sokoff
Who would have thought that the sound of a person refilling the ice in a pop dispenser would cause a total meltdown at Hometown Buffet? As parents of children with autism, we have all experienced the unexpected moments of inconsolable fear, frustration, and anxiety they sometimes experience in public places. If only our kids came with instructions like the following excerpt I found:
Your child will likely start to act a bit differently and look a bit differently just before having a meltdown. Always be prepared for a meltdown as some children may surprise you when you least expect it. Keep a close eye out for the following signs and be prepared to support your child through this stressful time. Once you see these signs, you should proceed with caution!
- Resists change in routine more than usual (careful: this can also be a sign of improper temperature, humidity, noise level, or too much stimuli, so check your conditions).
- Recent change in eating habits, a few days before having a meltdown your child may eat less or stop eating altogether (careful: this can also be a sign that your child is sick).
- Seems overly restless or agitated.
- Has a sudden increase in stimming behavior.
- Becomes more stressed than usual with sudden changes of plans.
Okay, I confess! I took most of the above excerpt about signs of a Hermit crab getting ready to molt and applied them to my own experience with Kyle, and the parallels are amazing in their own right. While we know that our kids are not decapods by any stretch of the imagination, natural events can be a learning opportunity waiting to happen! A Hermit crab molts, casts off his shell, when he feels stressed from experiencing something uncomfortable in his environment or because he has outgrown a shell.
When Kyle has a "moltdown" he is experiencing what I imagine is similar to what the Hermit crab goes through. At first, the crab is uncomfortable outside his shell until he learns to adapt to his new and bigger environment. The same is true with Kyle and his transitions! Also, when a Hermit crab is out of his shell, he is stressed and vulnerable until he successfully transitions from one shell to the next. Kyle needs some help casting off his shell and transitioning. What we do is give his shell a gentle tug every time we take him into a public setting. And after a while the shell comes off for the sake of growth.
When a child gets out of his or her comfort zone and is having a meltdown, what should you do? First, it is important not to panic. It is preferable to be proactive in the pre-meltdown phase, so be keen to the afore-mentioned signs and be ready for those sneak attacks. With practice, you will become a pro at reading those signs. Once you realize you are in the midst of what appears to be the start of a meltdown, one option is to try and console your child and hope they can regain their calmness. This should never be done in mid-meltdown, though! It can be quite stressful for you and them, so if two attempts at consoling do not work, remove your child from the environment. This will usually remedy the situation and should ensure that the post-meltdown phase comes more quickly. Most importantly, never give up going to public places as a family!
Our tendency is to isolate ourselves from going on family outings altogether because of meltdown challenges. The parental instinct is to comfort or rescue our distressed child, and when we cannot accomplish this we tend to feel like we somehow have failed. Remember, this is not a strong-willed child scenario; this is different from the typical battle of wills between parent and child. With time and patience you will find the outings become longer before a meltdown occurs as well as fewer and further between. Your efforts will be well-served because with each family outing you are one step closer to your child learning to be comfortable in the community at large!
Kyle no longer is afraid of the ice dispenser sound, and he is slowly getting past his hesitancy to use public restrooms (the flushing sound used to wig him out), but now the sound of a Whoopee Cushion, of all things, is our challenge. We are working through that one. And when Kyle conquers that sound, we will chalk up another successful transition knowing he is stronger because of it! Growth is hard on all of us and sometimes is measured in small increments. The key is to do a perspective shift from meltdowns being a limitation to one that says every meltdown is one step closer to adjusting in a noisy world.